154: Parenting (VI)

Navigating fatherhood and injury.

26 Jan 2025 — 4 min read

Before last spring, I had never been away from our kids (then, 1 and 3 years) for more than four days at a stretch.

Then an injury put me in the hospital.

As a husband and father, this family disruption was terrifying and disorienting. A health crisis never just impacts one person.

Health is a prerequisite for most things.

Fatherhood requires vitality, endurance, life-force.

I was removed from the familiar recurring rituals my wife and I had developed with our boys. Family roles, schedules, and home routines were upended overnight.

My sense of self was tested.

Extended hospital existence feels strange, lonely, and unnatural. For friends and family, visiting your loved one in a hospital can feel awkward and scary, too.

In some ways, it may even be harder to be a supporter than the patient.

I was afraid of what our kids might think seeing me there. But they were brave, resilient, innocent. My wife facilitated visits, and prepared them as best she could.

Our oldest asked some questions.
Our youngest was none the wiser.

"Dada has an ouchie.
He can't carry me right now"

In general, the kids appreciated the chance to jump on an adjustable hospital bed and consume copious amounts of snacks and juices from the nearby nurses station.

These visits provided me energy and inspiration.

Returning home, I was grateful to get back to simple daily routines. I so badly wanted to taste "normal" life and get back to being an active, playful, present Dad.

In the span of a month, the boys had changed. Their movement, knowledge, and communication skills were evolving from week to week. Perhaps day by day.

I had missed so many things:
Picking up toys.
Making lunches.
Taking baths.
Developmental milestones.
Impromptu kitchen dances.
The timeless pleasure of pizza.
Reading rhyming books at bedtime.
Negotiating mealtimes, potty, and dessert.
Watching Muppet Show reruns.

The only thing I did not miss?
The constant cavalcade of daycare germs and preschool colds.

I had even missed doing laundry. I felt lucky to re-experience the daily chaos of getting kids changed, dressed, fed, bathed, and out of the house on time etc.

Finally, back in the mix.

As recovery progresses, I have been able to return successfully to the old, familiar parenting activities that bring me joy and tie us together.

Today, my kids see me as the same Dada they've always known.

Experiencing these little fatherhood details again has been an amazing gift.

It's worth savoring, even if some of them drive me crazy.

Lately, it's been particularly satisfying to see our kids play together and develop a brotherly connection. Games are invented. Balls are tossed and kicked. Stories are shared. Towers are built and knocked down. Fiery disputes emerge and are settled.

Once in a while, everyone's nap schedule syncs up and we snooze together.

Looking ahead:
I want to be fully present for the gifts and pains of fatherhood.
The easy moments and hard moments.
Tasting all the many flavors of life.